Baby Shower

This is my last make-up blog, and I want to crank it out so I can move on to blathering about my beautiful baby.

On April 10th, we had a baby shower at Phil and Gion's. It was a co-ed BBQ. It was beautiful.

It was really exciting for me because I had these dreams of decorating for my bridal shower and for a wedding in May, but we didn't have time for a bridal shower, and our wedding was in December (so a totally different decorating scheme). The baby shower was in the location I had hoped my bridal shower would be, and we used some of the decorations that I had planned to use at the wedding, so it satisfied my dreams a little.

We went with a co-ed shower since we planned to split parenting responsibilities equally. I didn't like the symbolism of a bunch of ladies getting together to "pass on the baby-care wisdom" without the dad there--even though it sounds super fun. Maybe for the second one, so there's less advice and more bitching. (;

The shower was even more special for me because my aunt Sue and cousin Wendy made it out from Colorado. We're very close, and Wendy wasn't able to make it out for our wedding in December, so it was great that they could be there. Also, they helped a lot.

Of course, we were overwhelmed by the generosity of our parents and of Rachel. They gave of their time and their pocketbooks to make another beautiful day for us, and we're very grateful.

Part of my bridal shower dream was to open presents on the back deck (well, have the whole party on the deck, but that would have been a smaller party). We tried to open presents there, but very soon, it was obvious that it had become too cold to stay outside much longer, so we moved to the living room.

It was simply lovely. Thank you to everyone who came and celebrated with us. Now here are some more pictures:

I had this idea to spray paint animal lawn ornaments and use them as centerpieces at the wedding. Very excited that I got to use my idea. And the flowers and table cloths Gion collected matched them perfectly!

We were hoping to use Barbara's flags at the wedding, but instead we used them here. Wonderfully springy.

I think one must get the idea from reading this that the shower was just a mish-mash of remnant ideas from parties that could have been, and that's partly true. Most of the decorations were ideas I'd had before (except for Phil's awesome muslin canopy and Gion's table runners and flowers). But it turned into an amazing event of it's own celebrating something that was bigger than weddings and bridal showers . . . our amazing baby and our growing family! Thanks to everyone who made it!

Pregnancy Blog

As I mentioned in my last blog, I didn’t write much during pregnancy because I didn’t want to jinx it (guess I’m superstitious), but more accurately, I think I thought I needed a little perspective. Everything is clearer with hindsight, right?

But . . . as most of you have probably heard: with pregnancy, things are not clearer with hindsight. No joke, a woman’s mind/body is programmed to forget the more “uncomfortable” elements of pregnancy and birth. Otherwise I wouldn’t have left the hospital saying, “next time I’m going to do it ‘such-and-such way’.” Next Time!?! After all that—being overdue, 24 hour labor, induction—I can even think about a next time?!? Yup.

So when I sat down to write my pregnancy blog, it was long, boring, too personal, and I knew I was missing essential tidbits. There are things I just forgot. And Everett’s only three months old!

So I’m starting over. I’m forgoing the narrative for bullet points. I think that most people who read this just want the interesting/juicy details, I can add in things I remember later without re-writing paragraphs, and for my uses, I just need to be able to look back and say, “oh yeah, I forgot about that part of my pregnancy!”

Well, here we go!

• Brian and I started dating in April of 2000. We got engaged in May of 2009 (we had an engagement party!). We planned to get married May 29^th 2010, but I got pregnant, so we got married on September 30^th at the Santa Clara County Clerk’s Office, and had a big party with family and friends on December 27^th 2009.

• Everett was conceived in Oregon, in a tent. We were visiting friends (Sam, Henry, Ben). That night, we ate fajitas, drank chardonnay, and watched Twilight (ironically!).
• I've always been pretty pessimistic about getting pregnant. I thought that when we finally started trying, it would be really hard and take a long time (my parents were married 12 years before I was born!), so when we weren't carful this one time, I didn't think, “shoot, I might be pregnant.” And when I got that metallic taste in my mouth, I didn’t think: pregnancy? I thought, “I need to brush my teeth again, and again, and again.”

• We told our parents in September. In a calmer time, I would have waited until the 13^th week, when a pregnancy has more chance of taking, but we had to tell them. They were heavily involved in planning our wedding, and we couldn’t have them continue planning a wedding that wouldn’t happen. Of course, they were all very happy.

• As I explained in my labor blog, we wanted to do a home birth but we lived in an apartment with upstairs and sideways neighbors, so that wasn't an option. We found an OB that worked with midwives, and we rarely saw the doctor. The hospital where they deliver, Good Samaritan, is very nice and has all the necessary accessories for a home-style birth (tub, yoga ball, TV, VCR, etc.). Also, the mother-baby rooms (the rooms where you stay after the baby's born) are private, no putting two or three mothers together in one room.

• I didn’t have “morning sickness” in the traditional way it’s described. I never threw up. (yeah, don’t trust Hollywood for your information on pregnancy and birth). I was just sorta nauseated all day and evening. It helped to snack at all times. I was also suuuper exhausted and unmotivated. Growing a baby is hard work!

• I was finishing my last semester of SJSU during my first and part of my second trimester.

• In the first trimester, I would nap almost every day when I got home from either school or work.

• I was worried that I would be afflicted with urinary tract infections throughout the entire pregnancy. I had a few back-to-back early-on, but my doctor tested and determined the type of bug infecting me. I did one round of antibiotics (during which I consumed plenty of probiotics). And I didn’t get another UTI the rest of the pregnancy! UTIs are especially dangerous during pregnancy because it could develop into a kidney infection, which I’m told is bad news for pregnant women.

• My nipples changed surprisingly early on, definitely the first trimester, and they'll never be the same again! One of my only regrets in life is not getting nude pictures of myself taken before the pregnancy (and I'm only half kidding). {:

• My boobs didn't grow much during the pregnancy, only after my milk came in.

• My “morning sickness” ended around 15/16 weeks. It didn’t magically go away after 13. I’m sure it rarely does.

• Brian made all the meals, especially dinners, throughout my pregnancy (and pretty much still). It was a big deal when I could start making breakfasts again. I don’t remember when that was . . . second trimester. 17 weeks?

• I never had heartburn.
• I didn't change my eating habits much. I've always had a decent metabolism, so I'm used to eating good-sized portions. I didn't really have unusual cravings or gorge myself. Like I said, I snacked a lot during the first trimester: yogurt, apples, healthy crackers from TJ's.

• Come to think of it, if I gorged on anything, it would have been apples in the beginning and oranges and grapefruit at the end. I couldn't get enough Honey Crisp apples, then they went out of season, and I switched to citrus.
• I didn't give up caffeine entirely. I did switch mostly to decaf. But if I needed a pick-me-up, I'd still drink regular. But no more than one cup.

• It was great that I had to walk to school and work throughout my pregnancy. 40 minutes there and back (and a little more at the end) usually 5 days a week. During the second trimester, I started swimming—first at the school and then at The San Jose Athletic Club. I'd only swim for about 15 to 20 minutes, 3 days a week, but I think it really helped. I gained weight slower, and it really minimized the back pain that I started to have.

• I definitely got the “linea nigra” thing, the dark vertical line on my belly. It's almost entirely gone now. After I had Everett, I was surprised by how dark my belly was. I think, because of the swimming, I got a little tan on my belly, and when the skin contracted, the whole belly was darker. It's kinda weird/gross, but I got the line to fade quite a bit by just scraping it with a luffa. The dark skin was able to slough off.

• My skin was fairly nice throughout. I had some minor flare-ups at the beginning and end, but all through the middle, it was really nice. And I had recently discontinued using Proactiv (because of the chemicals and because it bleached my eyebrows!). I was just using tea tree soap, some brand's astringent, and lotion (and my normal Neutrogena Sensitive Skin sunblock!).
• I got very little in the way of stretchmarks, just five little centimeter long vertical marks an inch and a half apart at my hips—two on one side, three on the other. Before you start hating me, please know that I got quite a few marks on my breasts when my milk came in. I didn't have a pump the first few weeks, and I really needed one.

• I think stretchmarks are genetic, for the most part, so I doubt anything I did mattered much. But I did have a little list on the whiteboard dedicated to stretchmark prevention: drink water, grow slow. I also slathered my belly in coconut oil almost every night, and I have a diet plenty high in fat. I don't shy away from full fat yogurt, half and half, good fats like olive oil and avocados, and we eat plenty of chicken (dark meat with the skin) and fish. I think having fat in your diet helps your skin be more elastic.
• While I'm “tooting my own horn” about nutrition . . . I made a big point during my pregnancy to consume plenty of probiotics in the form of yogurt, kefir, and kombucha. I'd read (probably somebody's opinion) that consuming probiotics in pregnancy helps baby develop a healthy digestive tract, which is important for many reasons. And I've heard the theory that colic may be worse in babies with digestive issues. Regardless, probiotics make me feel better and were certainly not harmful for him.

• I never had any trouble sleeping. I mean, I had a few nights in the entire pregnancy where I had trouble sleeping, but that happens when I'm not pregnant as well. I did, however, get frustrated by how difficult it was to turn over in bed in the later months/weeks, so my sleeping style changed.
• Apparently I always thought Everett was on the opposite side than he was. I thought his butt was hitting me on my left side, but really it was his legs? I could never wrap my mind around how he was folded up inside of me.

• My bellybutton never turned into an outie.

• I never had any problem with incontinence. Even when sneezing, I could still hold my pee in. And I hate doing Kegels!

• I did have to pee more than normal at the end, but not to a ridiculous degree. And by the time I needed to pee, I probably needed to stretch my legs anyway.

• I don't think my hair got any thicker/fuller during the pregnancy. Thank goodness, because my hair is thick enough! I've just now started to loose some hair, but I think it's just the seasonal summer shed.
• I wore my wedding ring until about 37/38 weeks. Then my hands got too puffy, and I had to start wearing costume jewelry. My feet didn't puff much until the last two weeks, and I was 10 days late, so not until week 40? But they were EVEN PUFFIER for about a week afterward. I didn't buy new shoes until afterward, and I really should have gotten them sooner. I suffered in my normal shoes until he was born, but I was so puffy after that I couldn't put my shoes on to leave the hospital. I had to wear slippers out and buy new shoes the next day.
• I've heard people say to pregnant women, “enjoy it! Pregnancy is the best time of your life!” Well, I hope not because it only lasts 9 months! And although I felt good, I've felt just as good during other times of my life when I've been healthy, active, and totally content with my life. I think pregnancy was hard for me in a way because I didn't like all the attention, especially at the end. I'm so happy to let Everett get all the attention now.

• If I had blogged during pregnancy, I probably would have continuously remarked on how sore I was, but I hardly remember that now. I tried to walk normally, as if I wasn't carrying the weight, and I think that saved my back a bit.

• I never had a stranger touch me, and friends and family rarely touched me either. I must be sorta prickly.

• I think I gained about 35 pounds.

• I never really had mood swings, cried for no reason, became a bitch for no reason. I kind of wished that Brian could have spent some time with a difficult prego so he appreciated my even temperament. But he more than made up for any misunderstanding by doing a gazillion dishes.
• Things I did to try to get labor going: walked as much as I could; ate A LOT of pineapple (I knew it wouldn't work, but it was tasty); after the 37^th week, we had more sex than normal; and I didn't avoid bumpy roads or spicy food. Nothing worked. He would have come out a week or two later on his own, I'm sure.

• I never had Braxton Hicks contractions. Eventually, after my due date, I had some mild contractions (sort of a period pain and/or a pain radiating from my back), but they hadn't progressed before I was induced.

• I think I did have a remarkably nice pregnancy. Especially after the nausea went away, I felt really good. The really tough part, physically, was the last two weeks. People that never get to their due dates just can't understand the level of discomfort. I really felt fine up through week 38 at least, but around my due date and after, I was pretty miserable. It's hard to pick yourself up off the couch, it's very uncomfortable to sleep, and you're desperate to share the weight.

• I've heard people say, “if you think pregnancy's hard, wait till you have a newborn.” And they have a point. The lack of sleep is worse, and there's more frustration and feelings of inadequacy. But at least you can share the burden. Especially if you have a supportive partner and family, you can pass the baby off, get some sleep. You can never do that during pregnancy. The baby is literally attached to you.

• I was shocked and not prepared for the discomfort of postpartum. I won't go into it because this is the pregnancy blog, and besides, it's gross. But here's a good conversation about postpartum, if you're interested.

Bottom line for my thoughts on pregnancy: everyone is different, and you can't compare yourself to other people. I spent half my pregnancy preparing to have heartburn or loose sleep, but I never did. I totally could have done without the stress of anticipation and just dealt with difficulties as they arose.

If you're pregnant or planning to be pregnant in the future, don't listen to people on the internet. Talk to your real friends and family, but still know that your experience could be completely different (this goes for life with baby too).